


Poems for the Soul

by AfanofManyStuffs



Category: Original Work
Genre: Base Works, F/M, Freeform writing, One-Shots, Other, Poems, Sad, reflective
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-02 18:57:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5259971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AfanofManyStuffs/pseuds/AfanofManyStuffs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sad, reflecting, emotional, and perhaps pessimistic poems. Nothing graphic. Ongoing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prolouge

Prologue:

 

This is a group

Of singular poems

That would not fit

Anywhere else

 

Here you will find

Sadness from the soul

Controversial topics,

And the open, plain, out-in-the-day

Type of trains

[Of thought]

 

You may find a song or two

That has no further go

It may not rhyme

Or be too kind,

But it’s written

And here for your pleasure

 

My life is not happy;

It is not content

You will find the worst nightmares

And the best hallucinations

 

It may make you cry;

It may make you laugh,

It could even make you shake your head

At my [lack of] punctuation

 

Updates will be once a week;

The days varying

Follow if you like,

And favorite to get updates!

 

Only five chapters are here

So for five weeks I have chapters

But beware;

It may be long before I remember

 

This is ongoing, like life itself

So have fun, and try not to get scared

A singular fandom, it is not

But it is here, like as was

 

 

This is the end

Of this introduction

For this is the start;

Not the ending…

 

Or is it really?


	2. Heroes; Something Else

** Poems for the Soul Chapter 2 **

**Welcome to the first official chapter of _Poems for the Soul_. I’m AfanofManyStuffs, and am here to guide you on this particular journey through my mind. Today’s poem was originally written for a school project, and later for a major plot idea which will appear in _Illuvianists_ (For those of you reading elsewhere, that’s my Harry Potter fan fiction story). Thank you for reading, and if you so like, tell me so. I will manage to use it to make more; trust me.**

**I apologize for posting this late; getting a new computer will do that :-)**

 

**Posted to Inkitt.com, Fanfiction.net, ArchiveOfOurOwn.org, and Reddit.**

****

** Heroes; Something Else **

 

There was once a broken boy,

Who met a broken girl;

They went to a place,

And hid who they were

 

They said their names;

Magic was about.

She showed him a way;

He followed her.

 

At school they met friends,

Made enemies; acquaintances

It was too dangerous to mend;

That is, what they left.

 

Then came a fiend

Who wanted immortality

He was a but a dream;

Beaten by potions.

 

The adventure prolonged

Until it could not

So now they’re “So long!”

As they fade back into black.

 

 

And when they’re needed;

When they are called;

They come like creatures;

Showing what they really are.

 

 

 

 


	3. Diamantes

** Poems for the Soul Chapter 3: Diamantes **

**I never said that we’d stick with only one particular style of poem. Today’s diamantes (you remember those, right?) are ‘Weather-like,’ ‘Seasonal-like,’ and ‘Letter-like.’ It _ought_ to be called ‘Language-like,’ but I felt that it reflected letters better. Also, as will be obvious, I am a native speaker of English (I was raised in America, and that is still my place of residency). As such, I don’t know much of other languages. I apologize if ‘Letter-like’ does not fit you. Also, many of the sites mess up my formatting. Please bear with it while I go back and re-format.**

**_But if you like,_**

**_You can be my,_ **

**_Inspiration,_ **

**_By mentioning,_ **

**_What you thought…_ **

****

** Diamantes; Weather-like **

** Seasonal-like **

** Letter-like **

 

**Weather-like**

Sun

Warm, yellow

Oppressive, stifling, bright

Humid, moisture, grey, shadows

Dark, damp, rain

Cool, harmonic

Clouds

 

**Seasonal-like**

Day

Sun, bright

Stark, hot, color

Pink, blue, black, faded

Cool, greyscale, blankets

Stars, moon

Night

 

**Letter-like**

Japanese

Single, lines

Curved, ink, pictures

Kana, Romanji, letters, words

Alphabet, complex, pens

Familiar, known

English

**L**

**A**

**S**

**T**

**A**

**/**

**N**

**If you are not familiar with Japanese, Kana is the collective way to refer to Japanese characters (they have three separate methods of writing), and Romanji is Japanese adapted in Roman characters (AKA the alphabet). For example, ‘light’ in kana would look something like two vertical bars with three horizontal bars between them, and in Romanji would be ‘raito’ (ri’ toh), but the kana could also be interpreted as ‘moonlight,’ if memory serves me correctly. My apologies if I am incorrect on anything; Japanese is a complicated and difficult language to not only learn, but also most particularly write.**

**Posted 12/5/15**


	4. Hallucination

**Hallucination**

 

Your hand runs through my hair,

Trailing down my face

 

My eyes swim around your visage;

Remembering in the night.

 

‘Everything must have a balance,’

I say, you shaking your head no

‘It is one way or the other;

Not both.’

 

This is why we’ll never be;

Why we’ll never see the light of day

Why you will never break free…

 

Be what it may,

Never preach,

Never teach,

Never think,

 

Just focus on me

For the time being,

While we still can.

 

This pain is delicious; I never want it to end

The bittersweet taste of a favored thing coming to an end

I like endings and beginnings the best

The excitement; the sadness,

But I can never stand it myself

 

You preach what I say

You do what I don’t

You won’t what I will…

[Think, that is to say]

 

This is all a hallucination;

A mirage

Something to be admired;

A façade

 

Something pleasant,

Something light,

Never anything with depth;

Never anything with meaning.

 

But, this is love,

This is death,

This is what we live;

 

Never fearing

Always daring

And yet, meaningless.

 

Make me feel

For one last time

One last night-

 

Before this hallucination ends,

And your fragile bubble of ignorance is lost.

 

Such beautiful hallucinations to admire…

From afar…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really awful about keeping a schedule... Not that it matters. No one is reading this anyway...
> 
> Merry Christmas


	5. Heaven, or Hell?

**_Seven Devils_ **

 

Pain; a curious thing. A reaction to a traumatizing event. Opposite pleasure, oftentimes the same thing; hysteria.

_Cold and warm at the same time, ice blue eyes; hypnotizing._

Pain. Such a beautiful thing; twisting and writhing, and you mourn the memory of gladness; despair.

 

_We twisted as one. Like tornadoes - one hot, one cold._

 

Pain, something for you to crave. A mudslide that you relish and dig in deep, where you feel like you’ll never get out of- that you’ll never _want_ to get out of. Such beautiful things come from pain, begging and screaming and crying for it to stopstopstop but would never give it up for anything because it’s better than feeling nothing, and reminds you that you are _alive_ in all of the dark beauty that _is your_ _soul_.

 

_I always remembered, when I wanted to torture myself, the good memories. It burned and writhed like paradise, but made me scream in pain and ecstasy._

 

Hope. It is odd at first; something that is foreign and strange, and you’re not entirely sure that it is good, but vaguely identifiable all the same. But with hope comes the memories of a better time and place; where such things were commonplace, and the pain comes again - comforting in its familiar slow burn; exquisite.

 

 _When she left, I was condemned to the icy, fiery pits of despair. My angels faded away; frightened off by the pain. I prayed –to whom, I do not know- for_ her _to come back._

 

Nothingness. It is odd, to have no feelings. The mind seems stark without them. The pain doesn’t come as easily nowadays, and the physical kind is different. It lasts longer, but if it cannot always be fresh (the smooth sweet feeling of ribbon razorblade sliding under your skin and silkily drawing the beloved red substance that tastes sweet and is such a _pleasure_ to pull, almost as good and _oh so close_ to the pain), then it should not be doled out.

 

_Her ice-blue eyes, her silky silver hair. I try not to dwell on them, nowadays, but if I do, there is nothing but the numb. It is almost more frightening than the flames…_

 

Emptiness. It is not as familiar as nothingness, but close enough not to make too much distinction. But the thought seems to rattle around; echoing through your hollow shell. So you think so much it hurts, let the subconscious thoughts run through your brain at full speed, hardly comprehending them before they’re gone, hardly slowing them down.

 

_Blinding fire slowing ice; more charisma dark light. I know not what she was, but the heat and chill in my veins was like nothing else. Today, I still dwell; forever stuck in that one spot; hoping, hoping, gone- for her to return._

 

|#.@|

 

Wilting. I read something sad, so sad. The pain should cut deep, but it doesn’t. I want to cry, I should cry, but the tears won’t come. Have they been all cried out? I long for the feeling of salt on my skin as the tear tracks dry. Why can’t I cry? I want to cry.

_He was something I hadn’t seen before- a real specimen. Unique; he caught my eye and the surroundings paled. There was nothing I could do but watch._

 

Laughter. It comes slowly at first, only at the lewdest and wryest of jokes. Short bursts of sound that you don’t really feel. It’s more like hysterics, really. But it comes.

 

 _We ended up in bed together; despite my abnormalities. Abnormal for_ here _. I was afraid I was going to eat him- in truth, I wanted him as my slave. Take him with me to the worlds beyond; twirl him with me in the space between realms._

 

The emptiness comes longer, nowadays. Or rather, Nothingness. Only the Nothingness to keep yourself entertained, and you know what it feels to be a full Vulcan. They don’t notice anything; they never do- Excuses mixed with acting are all that’s necessary.

 

 _I managed the night. I spent a few days there, too. Carefree; lavished in his love. It was a feast -a feast of emotion- for_ me _._

 

Music. Music is what fills your brain now, so that none of the darkness comes. None of the emptiness or the Nothingness. But the pain still lingers, deep and behind barriers, oh, so _many_ barriers. You can’t really _feel_ the pain anymore, so instead you listen to music, and hope that you will _feel_ once again…

 

_It would be better if I left. So I did leave. I watched him, too- how lost he seemed! I was glad I wasn’t one of them. They were weak. It puzzled me; how could one form such attachments in such a short time?_

 

Drugs. They filled me up; numbed me. Why hadn’t I tried this earlier? There was nothing to worry about here, nothing to feel bad about. No one mattered. Here in this place, I painted entire murals on the walls with only my blood as paint. They marveled at the roses and the thorns; thought the use of paint was wonderful. _But they never knew…_

 

_I watched him from afar for many moons and suns, Samhain and Beltane. I felt different each time. I knew names for them- such weak names they were. How could one expect the depth of feeling that we cannot comprehend to be conveyed by a mere word?_

 

Alcohol. It was… different from drugs. Another way of coping; I would drown myself and wake up feeling too bad to consider the ocean within me; swirling in a black sea of toxic oil, on my own two-toe spaced island for me to stand on. Then the tide rose, and I was drowning again. So I drowned the drowning.

 

_Love. Amore. Aimer. Sad. Blue. Salty. Melancholy. Jealousy. See how very weak they are? I do not know… cannot comprehend… not sure if I want to know… why they chose those words. Why not Aimeney? Keinar? Blunsòmé? Teynahgah? Ai? I felt all of these and more as I watched and watched; letting my thoughts twist aimlessly around as I focused on the events of another’s life…_

 

Wanting. I wanted… I wanted to change. I wanted _so many things_. I wanted to be free, I wanted to go back, I wanted this to never have happened… But happen it did, and go back I could not. In this interim, where I could not decide what to do, a miracle happened… I was given a second chance; a way to escape from the choice… So I made a new one.

 

_There was a decision to make. I made it. Perhaps it was not my place, but made it I did. Several of them. What right did I have, after all, to make such a… such a meteor effect; a crater in this man’s life? I may as well just do it completely. He did not hesitate to take my hand. Should I feel guilty?_

 

Sex. Oh, the _sex_. It was something no one would understand. How her eyes would change a thousand different colors, and her wings would lift us off the space where we lay. Driven crazy by pleasure; I gasped in hopeless relief; to understand and still be lost by the most simple, confusing, of questions. Pulled taught; ribbons thought- no timing; stressful twining. We found release; we found pain.

 

 _Sex. Oh, the_ sex _. It was something no one would understand. How my eyes would change a thousand different colors, and my wings would lift us off the space where we lay. Driven crazy by pleasure; I gasped in hopeless relief, to understand and still be lost by the most simple; confusing; of questions. Pulled taught; ribbons thought- no timing; stressful twining. We found release; we found pain._

 

 

_Pain in pleasure_

That is the key

_Not caring_

Not whining

_No keeping in time._

In pain

_In pleasure_

We circle round and round

_Numb;_

Pleasure;

_Pain-_

One endless cycle.

_No one knows_

Or even supposed

_How we play this game_

Again to then

_Akin to few_

Akin to ruled.

_And how we realize,_

Despite our types

_Not knowing the other’s origin_

Or really anything

_And conceive_

And please

_-In the seven circles-_

Of Heaven.

_Of Hell._

**_The End_ **

 

**Sorry for the late update. Posting the last written chapter here today, too. Tell me what you thought?**

 

**For anyone interested, I have a Tumblr now. Same penname.**

 

**Bye.**


	6. Panic

**Panic**

 

It’s hard; it’s frantic

Panic

For me, is brought on by a word of

‘I can’t take this anymore’

 

Hyperventilation comes with it.

A haunting, repeating melody of high notes on a piano

Helps calm you down

 

Frustration

It comes next, after the panic has gone away

After you’ve walked away

 

Your laughs have been hollow lately;

Set off by inappropriate thought and actions

So you hold a pillow to your face and scream;

I haven’t felt the writhing agony in a long time

 

Midnight

The best hour;

When all is calm,

And you can hear your mind

 

Away from the people;

Away from the crowds

Just you,

Your panic,

And screaming;

Echoing through the night

 

So simplistic;

These poems

No twisting of words,

No illusions.

 

And that’s why I write,

When in distress.

Why you play,

When haunted by ghosts of the past.

 

Why I cry

When I realize

That it is just a nightmare,

And doesn’t mean anything;

Nothing at all.

 

Midnight brings these thoughts about;

When I’m afraid of world destruction,

When you pound at the keys with your broken fingers;

That hurts so much.

 

But I understand why you pound away so,

For I do the same thing,

On a different keyboard,

With my hands bandaged and bruised.

 

 

And deep inside,

I know I am just hallucinating.

But still, knowing this,

I can’t quell the panic;

I can’t pull myself from the dream.

 

**Last written chapter. I know my poems aren't grammatically great. But I write what flows, not what rules dictate.**

 

**(...This chapter is how I view reality.)**


	7. Rambling

Rambling

Someone try and help me

I’m drowning in words

They bubble up around me

As I fail to push through

 

Night

It haunts me like a cat

Staring at me from wherever I may be

Across the room, the world, beckoning me with sleep and smut

 

I don’t feel the urge to write

But am bored out of my mind

I wish the feelings were more intense

So as to draw inspiration from them

 

But feeling means feeling the world

And while I’m not afraid

I don’t want to open myself up

And face the pain

 

But it drags me in anyway

Because I can’t stand the echoing loneliness

And rejoice in sin

As excitement floods my veins

 

Mind ablaze, I wonder:

How kinky can this get?

How far will this go?

Will this be better than what I did last?

 

Music drives my thoughts

Logic my actions and decisions

Desire my imagination

And the world my desperation

 

I’d love to be free, but will wait my sentence

 

I see the spaces between words

And picture them as shapes

A code to crack a secret meaning

Unknown to all but the author


	8. Logic

Logic

You did something

I let the words spill

You did something _wrong_

I hit send

Maybe I will lose my friends

All in one sweeping blow

My own web caught me

I think I lost more than one

You will be alone

There are a lot of words

You cannot always read

I’ll do as I please

You are too obstinate

No I am not

You will lose more friends

They all eventually bore me anyways

But don’t you want people who understand?

I need no-strings-attached

That is no way to live

I don’t know how to love/then im not living now

You are ruining your chances

If they don’t like me, that’s their issue

You are not superior

And if I am?

Pride goeth before the falleth

Are you my insanity or something?

Negative; logic

Can’t you let me live?

But to live, you must persist

I don’t mind if I die

And no more toasting over oceans?

There was never that before

There was, once

Not really. I stopped hoping a while ago

You grew up

Yes. And no.

I gained maturity and lack experience.

…I want something more than what is here

You want to go home

But I have not yet known this home

…And yet, I do.


	9. Light

Light

It hurts

It hurts my eyes

Causes a headache in the back of my mind

Glasses don’t help

Nor purple lights

Its far too bright

For my tired eyes

 

I wonder,

As always

In whispers

And shadows of thought

If I’m turning into a vampire

Or some mythical creature

Who can’t stand the rays

Of sunlight?

 

Some part of me

Think it

Silly

Ubiquitous

And obscene;

Others, however, lend it credence

I wonder how far I will be

When the suspension of disbelief,

For the last time, creaks


End file.
